To live in love you have to conquer fear.

Do you get nervous, anxious or scared in situations where you don’t see any apparent reason that you should? This is life for most people. Say you’re in a meeting or a social gathering and you think of something you want to say. Maybe it is even something that can greatly benefit everyone there. But then your heart starts racing, your palms start sweating and your chest feels tight.

Thankfully there are some methods you can use to instantly come back down to a more calm state.

1 – Snap Into Awareness of the Fear

This precedes all the following methods. You cannot change what you are not aware of. Being aware of fear can reduce it for some. You objectify it instead of feeling it as a living thing.

2 – Locate and Relax

You’re now aware of the fear. Locate the area(s) in your body that feels tight. Relax those areas fully. Let go of whatever is there. Then, relax your neck, shoulders, back, hip and legs. You will probably find that your shoulders and chest area are tight. Your breathing is probably shallow, so that you’re ready to flee. Let it all go and feel the cool, calm awareness take over.

3 – Say No to the Impulse – Create New Beliefs

Fear is your unconscious feeding you an impulse to act in a certain way based on a certain stimulus. If you act on this stimulus it turns into a belief. From now on when you get that tight feeling in your chest, say no to the feeling and replace it with another, better feeling. One way of doing this is to say the words of the feeling you want to replace fear with in your head and feel the emotion. Then act in the way you think is proper for the situation. By doing this you start creating a new belief.

4 – Breathe With Your Diaphragm

Jump into deep concentration on your breath. Breathe deeply into your diaphragm. Follow the breath form the pelvic area up to your nose. Feel the air brushing your nostrils and pushing down on your sacrum in waves. Try it out now.

5 – Smile

The brain and the body is one. It is impossible to smile without your mood being affected. The effect is usually not large, but it helps. Smile with your eyes too, and assist the feelings with words that you associate with happiness – Words like amused, happy, funny, hilarious.

6 – Self-Soothing

Hold one arm over your stomach and one arm over your heart. This has a self-soothing effect. Find out which arm over which part works best for you. Again, assist the feeling with words – Words like calm, peace, serenity and love might help. Self-soothing will, however, give the underlying belief some legitimacy. When you eventually feel calm, focus intensely on how you are still in that same situation, but you are in fact feeling calm.

7 – Open Body Language

When you feel fear and you open your body language you are flying in the face of fear and saying “**** you, fear”. Again, your body and mind is one. Taking on the body language of confidence gives you more confidence. The efficacy of this technique depends a bit on how much you identify with the fear. For some it might be more suitable with self-soothing body language.

8 – What Will My Next Thought Be?

A simple trick for going back to pure present awareness in any situation is to ask yourself, “I wonder what my next thought will be?” and then focusing intensely on what it will be. This will also let you see the connection between awareness – everything that is – and the thought, which is just an object.

9 – Lean Into the Anxiety

Leaning into the anxiety means to accept it is there, feeling it and analyzing it. Do not cower away from it. Ask yourself why you are scared. Is this rational? Is it a situation that actually poses a threat of serious harm? Is the threat-scanning area of your brain being over active? But do not over-analyse and put extra meaning into it. Do not judge yourself. Just see what is and find what does not make sense in your reaction patterns. Your unconscious abhors incoherence. Find the incoherence and your unconscious must change.

10 – Love

Shower love over whatever is triggering your fear. If it is a social situation, shower the people there with intentions of love. Make it your purpose to make them feel important and loved. Love is awareness.


Peace and calm,